Friday, August 06, 2004

Oh yes, before I forget

The bastard kids in our street (bless 'em) managed to put a huge dent in my car yesterday, through the playing of football with a basketball. Couldn't pin it on an individual, but if I see one of them go as much as close to my car I'm gonna... [empty threat].

Oh well, it goes nice with the giant scratches down the side of it from when the same bastard kids (bless 'em, each and every one) drove a shopping trolly into the side of it.

This was fun...

As you may have noticed, I haven't written much for the last two weeks. OK, I haven't written anything. I'll put some post dated blogs up next week!

Anyway, as you also may have noticed I've been very busy putting together a double CD compilation for Silver Rocket over the last couple of months. Well it's SR50-day today - Our 50th club night. And yesterday we were told that the CDs wouldn't be ready until Monday...

After much confrontation over the phone (not by me it must be said as I'm crap at confrontation unless it's in person) I managed to get them today, but just had to drive to Wembley and back in the searing heat lugging 1,041 double CDs into the back of my non-air-conditioned Micra and unto the house.


Sweaty much?

Friday, July 23, 2004

Beards make you look shorter


It's true, I realised it the other day.

What you want proof?

Well exhibit A: This band contains twin brothers (Paul and Steve - lovely people, they really are). Look on the images page. Now in the 2003 picture Steve (on left with beard) is noticably shorter than Paul (on right, minus chin-fluff) but in the pictures from 2000 when they were beardless - same height, yes? It's the same in real life I swear it.

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

To sum up...

At New York's JFK airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like "x" and "y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. "As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence, "the President said, adding: "Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line." President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex."

Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of: though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks."

Saturday, July 17, 2004

Doing the do(or)

Cut n Paste tonight. Weird indie/rock/pop disco that plays anything from Britney to Black Sabbath via Beastie Boys and Betty Boo (Buffalo Bar, Highbury Corner, London if you're interested).

I have mixed feelings about this club. a) it's great - a strange idea that works really well. b) I swore I would not get involved in this enterprise and consequently, being as stubborn as the blood stain in the boot of my car, I refuse to enjoy it. I try to cope with this conflict of interests by chatting to the lovely punters' and taking their money and coats on the door, allowing me to listen to the music without being directly exposed to it (the door is at the top of the stairs)...

Oh god, I've just realised it's my birthday next week. I'd better get some St. John's Wort in.

Friday, July 16, 2004

Eggs stir men hate!

Approaching lunchtime and the daily aggravation of trying to decide what to eat. Once again I’ve not brought or prepared anything, despite having a freezer full of pasties after my trip to St. Ives a couple of weeks ago. Do I spend £3 on a sandwich or soup from one of the fantastically overpriced eateries Central London is festooned with or do I go for the packet of crisps approach?

I’ve always had this trouble – even as a nipper. My mom would prepare a packed lunch every day. Well I say packed lunch, if you can call two pieces of white sliced, some margarine and a slab of watery ham a packed lunch. I’d end up spending my pocket money on crisps and not eating the limp feast lovingly created by my mother.

The problem was I never remembered to throw away said sandwiches and would always try and hide the evidence on my return home. Unfortunately, my dog could smell out a dead sandwich from 30 paces and I was always rumbled. But ha! I shall throw said sandwich out of my bedroom window onto the garage roof where the dog cannot reach and the birdies will devour it. But no! The birdies will drag the sandwich onto the front garden just as my mom pulls into the driveway after a hard (yeah right) day’s work.

You will not feed the flying pests outside or you will be ex-ter-min-ated!

Thursday, July 15, 2004

My eye man (said in Geordie accent)

Once I've worked out how to use this thing properly remind me to post the disgusting picture of myself with the eye infection I developed on Tuesday. It was grim (getting better now though). Since my doctors are so awful I went to the NHS walk in centre and waited two hours to be seen. Got a good doctor though who actually spared the time to explain what was wrong with it.

"It's got an infection"

Cheers mate. Well it's better than what I usually get from my regular doctor...

"What's the matter with you? Don't come here wasting my time, there's no way I'm giving you a prescription unless it's for something you could buy over the counter for half the price."

I've got some lovely eye drops that feel like sulphuric acid when I put them in.

Woo hoo!


... to the world of tomorrow.

or something

I have no idea what I am actually going to write in this thing yet. No doubt it will be just like every diary I ever started as a teenager (so many, many years ago) and will last about a week before I get bored.

But what can I promise you?


an unusual lack of swearing and spelling errors(alcohol content dependent)
some occasional reviews of CDs and gigs I like
unadulterated promotion of things to which I am affiliated (
the occasional references to the topic to which the title of this blog refers.

and various streams of random consciousness, outpourings of my soul (yuk, did I really write that?) and rants at the pathetic trendy wankers who think that being hip is the be all and end all.

and that's the weather... for now.